The Body

Who would I have been
without my body?
a whispering breeze
through fire lit autumn leaves
a tender moment that tickles your eyelashes
and recalls the playful peace of imagination flashes
maybe you would never have dreamed
of abusing the air that skips through the trees
if I had been simply, without.

but I return to the moments that defined
who we were when we lay
murmuring about the trees
how one day we would be as free.

Then I feel out of my mind
imagining what you could’ve been thinking
but it must’ve felt good to control such fragile will as my own
I’m sure if you had been listening you might’ve known
that my body and my words were pleading to be heard
you might’ve felt the rush in my blood and my throat start to burn
all the while I had thought I at last had found a home
but I was always finding myself alone
pondering an absence.

I could’ve sworn we were making love
I believed that it would happen if I could wait
and if I could just keep breathing you would see
that you took more than pleasure from this body
I believed we would find an acreage of gentle peace
that was somehow lacking between you and me
but in its absence you took up in arms
I was looking for a home where I would only find harm.

and I can’t get it out of my head
the way you would tell me maybe you didn’t love me
after all the nights I let you hold me
glowing red and bleeding raw I let you see
I invited you into my most intimate of dreams
but these nights I felt something about you was strange
and you uttered those words and I filled with shame
then you decide I’m worthy, maybe you do want it (me)
but I don’t want you in my bed, I don’t want you in my body
you invite yourself in and I am left to consider just what
it takes.

Because I loved you even after you ignored me when I said no
even after you didn’t stop until you realized I had woke

Who would I have been without my body?
the answer doesn't matter anymore
I will stop searching for something we'll never find
I must continue to carry this body although I was left I was left I was left

behind