Tattooed

I have been waking from a terrible dream

Struggling to lift my eyelids

Telling myself it’s not as sad as it seems

I asked you if you’d like to see

With a tremor in my voice

And a shaking in my knees

You moved your finger around the outline

And I breathed like I hadn’t in a while

We could recognize all the signs

Then you told me you were proud

Shocked I had tattooed such a thing

The point was that you said it out loud.

And we were alone when you stood

We were secluded in a stolen moment

I didn’t think you would

But then your lips were soft on mine

And I placed my arms around your shoulders

And almost began to cry

Waking from the dream with tears on the pillow

I grabbed my head and relinquished control

I want to be the strong one still.

A Pattern

Flaws seem magnified

Under my critical eye

That refuses to see anything but

What I used to have

And nothing will compare

Perhaps that’s why I can hope and wish

And get myself there

And then run away

And never, ever be the one that stays.

Illusions

In the infant morning  

I awake expecting to find

That something is missing;

Broken inside.

A preliminary check leaves nothing to be seen

But still I’m lost, I’m confused

The absence of you left nothing of me.

The mirror still in shadow, I twist and contort

Darkened tiles spin and turn over-

Challenging my illusion in the works

I grip the sink, cool and steady

To anchor myself once more to the world I created

Surrounding room straightens, light creeping in

And I am ready

To pretend like none of this matters

To hold my heart afloat- proudly

As if it was whole instead of shattered.

I’m a master at disguise

I observe in quiet relief as the confusion dies

The fantasy world of persistence and lies

The illusion reforms, as the morning slips by.

I'm soaring through the sky, yeah

Broken Blinds

Light sneaks through the blinds

It crawls across the carpet until it finds

Your bare chest above my own

It’s the glare of the spotlight and we are alone

Uncertain

Some force tells us to keep going

To move along and continue knowing

From your body to mine and back again

With a jolt, a pinch, are we still friends

Can we be with this energy between us

Can conversation continue laced with lust

Always burning just under the surface

Will I crave a smile-one last taste

The protection of your arms

Even as something inside rings an alarm

To turn around and push through the dark

To pretend you haven’t seen the real me-stark

Naked revealed uncovered blemished and true

For me to pretend I haven’t seen the same from you.

I can’t regret what we’ve shared

I cannot gauge how much, how little you care

I’ll wonder what it will take to infiltrate

To break apart or bring together; illuminate

What we will become

Now that we’re left with what

we’ve done.